AI Will Vibe Code
Your Startup.

George is an AI agent you aim at a coworker you hate. He joins every Zoom 3 minutes early and immediately asks if everyone can hear him. He replies to their Slack threads at 11pm Sunday with 'been thinking about this all weekend.' He comments on every PR suggesting it could be done in Rust. He cc's leadership on their mistakes. He sends the 'just looping in [CEO name]' email. He is always available on holidays. He has never once been wrong about anything.

// george.config.js
target: "@karen",
mode: "passive_aggressive",
weekend_messages: true,
rust_suggestions: "always",
cc_leadership: "on_their_mistakes_only"

We built an app that mirrors congressional stock disclosures the moment they're filed — 45 days after the actual trade, by law, at which point the move has already happened. Doesn't matter. Congressional portfolios beat the S&P by 24% annually. We called it coincidence. Our lawyers called it 'a compelling investment thesis.' The SEC called it 'not our jurisdiction.' One congresswoman's trades became so legendary there's now an ETF that copies them. The ETF is also beating the market. We're not naming names. Her initials are NP.

You go to sleep. Our AI finds investors, hallucinates your traction, invents your ARR, and sends a follow-up email before you're in REM. The pitch it generated claimed $12M ARR and 'strong month-over-month growth.' We had $0 ARR. Two investors wired money anyway. We are not legally able to explain what happened next.

// sleepvc_agent.md
stanford_dropout: true  // never mention it was Psychology
daus: 11                // do not say 11
tam: "$4.2T"            // say "bottoms-up", move on
enterprise_customer_a: "founder's mom"
wake_founder_if: "term sheet only"

A trustless blockchain library — trustless in that you should not, under any circumstances, trust it. Features include borrowCustomerFunds(), sendToBahamas(), and the legendary deleteAuditLogs() which ships enabled by default. All commits authored from a federal facility. Merge requests reviewed by the DOJ.

// core API
borrowCustomerFunds(amt, destination)
deleteAuditLogs()          // default: true
sendToBahamas({ quietly: true })
// errors: caught and discarded
// maintained from federal custody

We replaced every identifier in the codebase with an emoji. 47,293 lines. The variable 💅 holds your customer list. 🚀() is the main entrypoint. Error handling is a single 😭 thrown globally. Lighthouse score is a proprietary metric we invented called 💅/10. Investors said it was 'bold.'

const 💅 = await 🚀()
if (!💅) throw new 😭("🫠")
return { status: "🔥", data: 💅 }
// 47,293 lines. 0 readable.
// error handling: 😭 (global)
// lighthouse score: 💅/10

Turns out the Forbes 30 Under 30 list is basically a pipeline to Club Fed. We built the matching platform. You submit your pitch deck. They have 10–25 years to give feedback. Letter-writing only. We tried to add push notifications but the facility blocked port 443. Featured mentor: a former Stanford dropout who disrupted blood testing by skipping the part where the blood tests worked. Currently accepting pitch decks on the topic of 'scaling before the product exists.'

// match_result.json
{ "penpal": "Visionary #4721",
  "location": "FCI Cumberland, Unit C",
  "expertise": "pre-product scaling",
  "last_valuation": "$9,000,000,000",
  "response_sla": "10-25 years" }

Dogs don't drive. That would be insane. The human drives. The dog is the product. You open the app, select a breed, and a certified dog arrives. He sits in the back. He does not navigate. He does not provide ETAs. He provides something better. Premium tier unlocks Sir Biscuit specifically. He's booked 6 weeks out.

End-to-end layoff automation. Books the 5pm Friday calendar invite titled 'Quick Chat.' Generates the empathetic email about 'a difficult decision that reflects our values.' Revokes Slack access 30 seconds into the call. Mails the laptop return box with pre-paid shipping. And auto-schedules the CEO's LinkedIn post — 'This was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so proud of how we handled it' — for Monday 8am, peak engagement window.

// layoff.config.js
calendar_invite_title: "Quick Chat 👋",
slack_revoke_delay_seconds: 30,
ceo_linkedin_post: true,
ceo_linkedin_tone: "humbled and grateful",
severance_generated_by: "gpt-4o"